every single modern au les mis fic ever written
enjolras, standing on a table: [random social issue that’s been in the author’s local news lately] is bad! we must hold a non-violent rally to spread awareness and combat this scourge
grantaire, sitting at the back of the café: haha this will never work. you’re too much of an idealist, Apollo
grantaire, to any random ami other than marius: i’m in love with enjolras. his hair is like sunlight. i’m gay
random ami other than marius: we know, grantaire
grantaire: now i am using my arty powers to help make [flyers/posters/pamphlets/propaganda] for the rally. i’m so glad that everybody here is my best friend and loves hanging out with me and thinks i am a good person, except for enjolras. i am filled with self-loathing
(marius at some point, bursting in late: I BUMPED INTO HER ON THE STREET AND I’M IN LOVE NOW)
enjolras, at a subsequent meeting: i care for nothing but the cause. i am a workaholic. les amis will singlehandedly fix all of society’s problems
grantaire: we will not
enjolras: SHUT UP GRANTAIRE YOU’RE A USELESS WASTE OF OXYGEN AND YOU DON’T EVEN BELONG HERE. GO AWAY
grantaire, jumping up immediately and sprinting at top speed for the exit: i am a useless waste of oxygen. how could i ever dare love such a perfect, flawless human being. this man, with whom i am in love, has never done anything wrong in his entire life. now i will go home and sob over how he just lost his temper and screamed vile insults at me in public
all of the amis, texting grantaire: are you okay. we all gently scolded enjolras for his outpouring of verbal abuse. he is terribly sorry
eponine: grantaire i will personally pin him down in a back alley and castrate him for you. i am a Strong Female Character. do you want to eat ice cream and watch sad movies with me
enjolras: i am terribly sorry, grantaire. please come to the rally
grantaire: i will go to the rally because i am in love with enjolras
enjolras, at the rally: [random social issue that’s been in the author’s local news lately] is bad! [two paragraphs of oration written by a teenager who’s never even read the communist manifesto]
police: brutality!
everyone, immediately: gavroche!! he is tiny and might be hurt
gavroche: [sassy one-liner] i’m unharmed but your leader isn’t!
enjolras: it’s only a small concussion and a few rubber-bullet bruises! grantaire did you know that i have been deeply in love with you for ages. you helped me find the flaws in my speeches by constantly playing devil’s advocate.
grantaire: i may not believe in the cause but i believe in you
enjolras: that makes perfect sense. let’s make out
this is what happens if you put everything from the e/r tag on ao3 into a text prediction program (submitted by an anon)
me: not today, satan
satan: you’ve been canceling our plans for weeks now. if it’s something i said, please just tell me
Patti LuPone
Where is the rest of this!?
IM FUCKING SCREAMING I NEED THE REST OF THIS NOW
concept: radio city music hall. i just won my award for best actress. i smile and thank my family, the atw and my fellow peers. i then thank my wife. i pause for a moment, then grin. my wife’s expression turns from glowing to scared. i take the mic and say, “finally, id like to thank the unsung heroes of musical theatre: those who sit and record bootlegs”. chaos erupts. my wife starts crying. the upper mezz is on fire. andy mientus and lmm faint in their seats. patti lupone shakes her head at me. my wife hands me the divorce papers. the atw takes my Tony and gives it to bette midler for her role in the tenth revival of dolly
